Cast:

Compsagnathus / Figure I / Todd

Stegosaurus / Mommy / Morgan

Triceratops / Daughter / Amy

Ankylosaurus / Tyrannosaurus Rex / Daddy / Sam

Brachiosaurus / Figure III / Austen

Professor Knowinstuff (Pterodactyl) / Figure II / Scott

Scene I: Set-Up

(Sam, Scott and Austen enter stage left carrying a collapsing table and three folding chairs. Morgan, Amy, and Todd enter stage right carrying various set pieces: a rock, a tree, parts of bushes. Downstage, Morgan, Amy, and Todd begin setting up the set objects, calling out the names of the objects they are handling. Scott Austen and Sam are upstage talking animatedly while placing the table and chairs. When finished, the two groups look at each other for confirmation of success. Morgan, Austen, Amy, Scott, Sam exit left. Todd exits right)

Scene II: Rampage

Voice: (offstage) Scene II: Rampage

(Comp and Steg are talking and having coffee)

Steg: Yeah, I don’t pay too much mind to the weather reports but I did hear about the meteor heading our way.

Comp: Is that right? There’s a meteor coming?

Steg: That’s the story.

(T-Rex comes out and the two run offstage until T. Rex is done wreaking havoc. T-Rex leaves and the two return to their places center stage)

Steg: (panting) Were you scared?

Comp: (cocky) Scared? No, he doesn’t scare me I just remembered I left the lights on in my minivan.

Steg: (surveys the damage) He killed Gertrude and Otis!

Comp: Oh snap! He destroyed my favorite shrub! How much can one dinosaur be expected to take?

Scene III: Homestead Dinner

Voice: (offstage) Scene III: Homestead Dinner

(Mommy stands near a dinner table setting the last place. Daughter sits waiting for her father to arrive home from a meeting. Enter Daddy)

Daughter: Daddy!

Daddy: Hi Honey!

Mommy: (Leans over and hugs Daddy) Hello Dear. How was the meeting?

Daddy: (Sitting down and removing his hat) Well, it was busy since Chairman Frick locked up the mill.

Mommy: Oh no! So what are all the workers doing now?

Daddy: Well, we’re getting organized. We’ve set up an Advisory Committee to help keep the workers from doing anything that might jeopardize the strike. Plus, we’ve got scouts posted up the river in case the rumors of scabs being brought in are true.

Mommy: And all the other families are ready to make the necessary sacrifices?

Daddy: (confidently) They’re all on board! Although many of the workers think Mr. Frick may resort to using those Pinkerton Strikebreakers like he has in the past.

Mommy: (concerned) Let’s hope there’s no real trouble. Just be cautious and remember that we need you here at home just as much as the town needs you on the picket line.

Daughter: You aren’t gonna get hurt, are you Daddy?

Daddy: Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll be careful. (freeze)

Scene IV: General Meeting

Voice: (offstage) Scene IV: General Meeting

(murmuring begins as dinosaurs begin to enter the stage. Once the dinosaurs enter, the players from the homestead dinner scene unfreeze and move the table and chairs to the back of the stage. Setting: Dinosaurs are outside gathered in a group. Brachiosaurus is overseeing)

Brach: Quiet down, quiet down! (Everyone settles) Alright, on tonight’s agenda we’ll be discussing the meteor rumor that’s come up, we’ll be choosing judges for the Miss Cretaceous pageant, and there’ll be a safety seminar on proper tar pit conduct. In sadder news, we lost two of our most senior companions this morning to a Tyrannosaurus rampage. There will be a memorial service on Thursday at dawn. Without further ado, let’s proceed with the open discussion of this meteor…

Anky: How are we going to stop the meteor from killing us all?

Comp: (interrupting) Who cares?

Steg: I think we should find out exactly where it’s going to land and dig a hole through the earth so it will pass right through.

Trice: That would work, but it would take too long. Maybe we should send up the Pterodactyls with a net to catch the meteor and throw it back into space.

Comp: You’re forgetting about the matter at hand. Remember Gertrude and Otis? Just this morning they fell victim to that ruthless Tyrannosaurus Rex, and frankly I think that toothy menace is far more dangerous than some mythical space-rock.

Anky: (getting irritated) Mythical? All the Scienticians at school concur that this “space-rock” is very real and is going to smash us all within the week!

Comp: I don’t buy it. We NEED protection from the Tyrannosaurus! Let’s build a shelter! (meeting deteriorates into discontented shouting and grumbling)

Brach: Everybody be quiet! We’re not going to get anywhere like this.

Prof: (Timidly) If I may, I believe I have formulated a solution to the meteor issue.

Brach: Everyone listen up, Professor Knowinstuff, from SCHOOL has something to propose.

Prof: We’re approaching this from the wrong angle. Look at us. We’re gigantic. We’re incredibly stupid. But it is the former trait that gives us the advantage. For it is being enormous that will allow my plan to work.

Trice: Cut to the chase! (other dinosaurs murmur in agreement with Trice)

Prof: Very well, to the chase we cut! I would ask it of all of you dinosaurs and all of your bulk to travel together (intensity begins to build), united in your enormity, to THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD! (dinosaurs gasp) here are the plans…(opens blueprints)…So you see, by going to the other side of the world, we will tilt it with our largeness and thus dodge the meteor!

Comp: That meteor is so far away it’s completely irrelevant. I’ll bet that crafty T-Rex is lurking nearby, waiting to eat us!

Brach: (adds) And I hear he’s got a box knife!

Comp: And besides, even if that meteor IS real, what can a bunch of us, as the professor so adeptly put it, “big, stupid animals,” do to stop it?

Prof: (moving downstage) It doesn’t matter whether we CAN stop it or not, it’s important that we try at all. Here is this meteor that is going to destroy all of us. ALL OF US. If we don’t do anything and everything that we can to stop it, then why live at all? An element of RESISTANCE must always be present for HOPE to truly be present. (Pause, then Scott, Todd, and Austen step out from behind their cut-outs and stand stiff, straight faced in a row at center stage)

Figure III: (direct tone, staying stiff) The Anti-Imperialist League was founded on the goal of increasing U.S. diplomacy and ending U.S. colonialism. With over 30,000 members, this was the largest organization to date that opposed U.S. foreign policy.

Figure I: (direct tone, staying stiff) The First International Women’s Congress met in 1915 in the Netherlands to organize peaceful solutions to ending the First World War. Delegates were then dispatched to the capitols of the warring nations to present these solutions.

Figure II: (direct tone, staying stiff) During the Homestead Strike of 1892, the mill workers and townspeople successfully thwarted the invading Pinkertons’ attempt to break the strike. (The three step back behind their cut-outs and the scene resumes as if undisturbed)

Brach: Well! I think now would be fine time to decide on this matter. All in favor of taking the professor’s suggestion and tilting the earth say, “Aye!”(Four say “Aye”) all opposed? (Two say “Nay”) And the “ayes” win four votes to two. The meeting is adjourned. (lights out)

Scene V: Exodus

Voice: (offstage) Scene V: Exodus

(Dinosaurs are crowded at stage right talking amongst themselves)

Trice: (Looking around) Is everybody here? Brachiosaurus, let’s do a head count...

Brach: (upset) I already did, and I see that the Tyrannosaurus is packing his things!

Comp: Yeah! We’re not going all the way to the other side of the world just to get eaten once we avoid the meteor. You guys aren’t bringing trees with you, so why does the tyrannosaurus get his lunch to go?

T-rex: I understand your concern, Compsagnathus. You’re bite-sized. But Brachiosaurus, you’re so much bigger than I, and don’t understand how I pose a threat to your well being…

Trice: Look, you two. We’ve all had qualms about going. But this is the only way. We’ve all had to put aside some individual concern so that we can do better for ALL dinosaurs.

T-rex: I’ve recognized the greater need of Dino-kind, and I’ve made the necessary sacrifices. I vow not to eat another dinosaur until this meteor situation is resolved.

Brach: And then what? The meteor flies by, Yay! We all come back home and…?

Comp: He eats us!

Brach: Exactly. Forget your “voyage” we’re staying.

Prof: Stay if you like. But we’re making this trip for all of our well-being. Including yours. You are welcome to stay behind, but without your contribution we may not accomplish our aim. (Brach and Comp exit right)

Steg: Well…I guess they’re not coming. The rest of us should get moving though. (Dinosaurs move to the opposite side of the stage and exit left)

Scene VI: Cheerleaders Attack!

Voice: (offstage) Scene IV: Cheerleaders Attack!

Amy: Ready?

All: You bet! (rhythmically) Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!…. (Cheerleaders enter one by one jogging into position, forming a row at center stage, their uniforms spelling “APATHY”)

All: (aggressively, in unison) I hope you weren’t expecting pep! (cheerleaders create a tunnel with their arms) Who got your precious vote for Homecoming Queen? (“King” and “Queen” walk though tunnel and “King” spins “Queen”) Who got your unique vote for Class President? (5 cheerleaders line up shoulder-to-shoulder and the “president” walks down the line shaking hands) Who got your worthy vote for Most Likely to Succeed? (two cheerleaders lift a third up on their shoulders, other cheerleaders applaud in admiration. All then head back to center stage, again displaying “APATHY”) Does this represent your needs; the needs of the student body? (long pause) Did anyone ask you if wanted to be here? Do you care about what you’re studying? How many students are in your class? How many would you LIKE there to be? How many worksheets did you complete this week? How many tests have you taken this term? What’s the penalty for being late? Are there recruiters in the cafeteria? (The cheerleaders on the left call out: “Here’s your burger and fries!” On the heels of this statement, the three cheerleaders on the right call out: “Join the Armed Forces!”) Do you have a say in what you’re offered for lunch? Are you meeting your class requirements?

Morgan: Two credits of Math!

Sam: Two credits of Health and Fitness!

Austen: Two credits of Science!

Amy: Two and a half credits of Social Studies!

Todd: Three credits of English!

Scott: Five and a half credits of Electives!

All: (aggressively in unison) Did you meet your class requirements? What’s your four year plan? (Cheerleaders are standing in a row and turn their backs to the audience, their uniforms now spell “ACTION”)

Voice: Scene VII

All: Armageddon (All exit)

Scene VII: Armageddon

(The dinosaurs have arrived at “the other side of the world”)

Trice: Well…Now what?

Steg: Let’s just wait and see if it hits us.

Prof: OK. Everybody think heavy thoughts (Dinosaurs think)

Anky: Oh no! Here it comes! I think its going to hit us!

Todd: (To Austen offstage and barely audible) What are they doing?! That’s NOT what I wrote.

Trice: (Turns toward Todd and can be seen slightly poking from behind cut-out; heavy sarcasm) Sorry.

Todd: Don’t be sorry, just get your lines right!

Morgan: We’re still on stage…

Prof: Come on Dinosaurs, try jumping!

Arun: Alright, finish up now.

Austen: This sucks. (Actors leave stage sans cardboard cut-outs)