The Scene opens up with the suggestion of a living room. Specifically a large couch and possibly a chair or two. 3 individuals stand in the center, and a person with a TV on their head sits to one side. A general is offstage, or possibly on stage far enough away to suggest not being physically present in the scene. The specifics of the characters are not particularly important. No character ever interacts with or takes notice of the scenery at any point. A crew moves furniture and props, setting up the stage for various scenes around the actors as they go. No notice is paid to the changing scene.

1: Hey, there’s some bullshit going on down by the Capitol.

2: Bullshit? How do you know it’s bullshit?

1: I went by there on my way, I saw it.

3: I went by there too, looked like it might have been some kind of protest. Or possibly

bullshit, I wasn’t sure.

2: let’s see what the news has to say about it.

TV: Welcome back to eXtreme Action News. In local news, there’s some bullshit going

on down by the Capitol.

1: I feel vindicated.

3: I guess that proves it, it was bullshit after all.

2: I thought you said it looked like a protest.

3: I said it looked like it might have been some kind of protest. But it also could have

been bullshit, and it appears that it was

1: you can’t argue with eXtreme Action News.

A crew of people begins moving the furniture off the stage

2: So you’re telling me that you think a bunch of people are gathered down by the Capitol,

solely for the purpose of engaging in “bullshit?”

3: It would appear so.

2: Because they said it was the case on eXtreme Action News?

1: I say again, you can’t argue with eXtreme Action News.

2: for the sake of discussion, could we check a different news station, see a different

perspective on it?

TV: different, less extreme news stations are for losers and people who hate America.

1: so what do you say to that? Are you a loser who hates America?

2: I suppose not.

3: so the matter is closed then?

By this time, the stage is cleared, the crew begins setting the stage up as a board room, with a large table, surrounded by chairs. A backdrop of large windows with a view of a city from a very tall building is placed in the back.

2: could we possibly go down and check out the bullshit ourselves, see what the deal is with it?

3: why? We can see it on TV.

2: Point taken.

TV: Today, we have an actual General with us to tell us about some of the

eXtreme weapons our forces are using. So how about it General?

General: with our new improved precision smart bombs, we can hit specific targets with

an unprecedented 80% efficiency. This will be the most extreme and action

packed combat the world has ever seen. If nothing else, the movies

based on it are going to kick serious ass.

TV: I’ll definitely watch them. and I’m sure the rest of America will too.

3: I don’t know, I get the impression there might be something else to it. Where is this

war again?

1: east of here I think.

2: pretty far to the east right? I don’t think I’d like it too close, though by the sound of it,

it will look pretty cool.

3: and at the end of the day, isn’t that what’s important?

1: I can’t sleep with explosions going on, even in movies, it’s too loud.

2: well, there’s always the mute button.

Long Pause. The board room is entirely set up.

2: I still feel like we should go investigate that “bullshit” that’s apparently going on by

the capitol.

3: why?

2: I feel like there might be a connection.

1: I don’t

3: sure, I agree that the people there probably intended to do something more important

than bullshit, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t bullshit.

The Crew Begins to take down the board room set.

2: I’m just wondering what the purpose behind this bullshit is, and how did it get defined

as bullshit in the first place, what does that even mean? It’s just a way to dismiss

something without understanding it’s significance. Just because our complacent

friend over there says it’s bullshit, and eXtreme Action News says it’s bullshit, we

don’t have to think about it.

1: say that again and I’ll show you just how complacent I am.

3: eXtreme Action News has helicopters. eXtreme ones. Maybe if you had an eXtreme

helicopter I’d take your word over theirs.

2: God Damn it! This is exactly what I’m talking about. What does eXtreme even mean?

1: it means they take it to the limit.

2: what limit? What the hell limit are you talking about?

1: It means they get every last ounce of coverage they can out of the helicopters.

2: I used the rest of the peanut butter on my toast this morning. I got every last ounce of

peanut butter I could out of that jar. I took that jar of peanut butter to the limit.

Does that mean I ate eXtreme toast for breakfast?

3: clearly it does.

2: and does that make me credible somehow? (No Answer) Then why won’t you two

come along to check out the situation at the capitol, to see what’s really up?

1: we’ve both seen it already, you haven’t, why would we trust you?

2: cause I’m not lead around blindly by the words of others.

3: what are you insinuating? That sounded like a personal attack to me.

1: I think you owe us both an apology.

2: what? I’m serious here, you’re both hiding from the truth. We really need to find out

what’s going on down at the capitol.

3: we don’t need to do shit. And if you go check it out, you’ll just see that it really is

bullshit.

2: ok, look, if it turns out to actually be bullshit, I’ll buy everyone dinner.

1: we’re not going.

Long Pause. The Stage is clear again. The crew begins to set up the stage as a scene on the moon, with moon rocks in the foreground, and a view of Earth in the back.

TV: Welcome back to eXtreme Action News. In local news, the bullshit at the capitol has

spread to the nearby streets, obstructing traffic. Officials have called in the police

to keep the crowds under control and hopefully get traffic moving again in the near future. Today with have The General back with us to tell us more about the ongoing conflict. So tell us General, when will we be receiving the first images of the war?

General: The first video clips have been filmed and are in post production now. They

should be released by the end of the week.

TV: Awesome, we’re all anxious to see the army in action.

1: who are we bombing again?

2: some people east of here,

3: far to the east, right? I don’t want bombs waking me up at night.

2: pretty sure.

1: can we change the channel?

2: I thought you were against changing the channel.

1: I too am starting to feel like I might be missing something. We could try changing the

channel, just a little, just a glimpse, to see if they match up. Cause if they match

up, we know we’re getting the whole story.

3: I guess I won’t be opposed, though it doesn’t really seem necessary to me.

TV: other, less eXtreme news programs are for losers and people who hate America.

2: couldn’t hurt to see what losers and people who hate America see once in a while.

TV: welcome back to Freedom Patriot News. In local news, Un-Patriotic Americans who

hate freedom cause a disturbance near the capitol, roads have been shut down, and

motorists are advised to find an alternate route. With us today, to talk about the ongoing conflict to the east, is an expert in conflicts, a former general of the United States army. So tell us general, what is your opinion on the recent developments in the conflict, are we nearing the end?

General: there is an end in sight, but even if there wasn’t, it is the patriotic duty of all

freedom loving people to see it through as far as it needs to go.

The moon set is completely set up; the crew begins to remove it.

3: that sounds close enough to the same thing.

1: yeah, I’m satisfied.

2: but they called the thing at the capitol a disturbance instead of bullshit. I feel like that’s

different enough to warrant an investigation.

1: you gonna go investigate then?

2: will you come?

1: naw, disturbance and bullshit are close enough for me.

3: but doesn’t the fact that they aren’t the same intrigue you? Clearly they see it

differently.

1: but I saw it myself, and so did you.

2: you said it was bullshit, but Freedom Patriot news disagrees. Don’t you want to see

who’s right?

1: not really, but if you go, I’d be interested in your findings.

2: maybe I’ll report back to you then.

3: I’ll come, I wouldn’t mind an investigation, sounds intellectually stimulating.

Especially if we investigate using science.

2: you mean with a microscope and DNA samples and all that? Like on TV?

3: Yeah, I’d enjoy that.

1: why not just watch the science channel, I’d bet there are scientists investigating things

on that channel right now.

3: ok, that sounds good to me.

The Stage is once again Bare. The crew begins to set up the stage to look like a bombed out building, with piles of burnt debris and destroyed concrete foundations, with protruding rebars.

2: I think your missing the point.

TV: Can scientists unlock the mysteries of the Bible using modern investigation

techniques? Today on forensic bible study, scientists attempt to use DNA

evidence to determine whether a recently exhumed skeleton, in which several

witnesses have seen the image of Christ, belongs to Jesus himself.

2: this has nothing to do with anything. Why are we watching this?

1: I thought you were all about investigating things and finding out the truth.

2: I want to find the truth about what’s going on right now, not just at the capitol, but east

of here as well. I want to hear what’s really going on. I want to hear what the

people involved think about it.

3: the General was involved.

2: I want to hear about the people that are being bombed. I want to hear who they are. I

want to know their stories. I want to hear why we’re bombing them. (to the TV)

Damn it; tell me what’s really happening!

3: careful, you’re pissing it off.

2: (grabbing the TV) tell me the fucking truth!

1: hey, watch that, it doesn’t react well to-

2: GIVE ME ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE!

The TV punches 2 in the face, catching 2 off guard and sending him/her to the floor. The TV goes to strike 2 again, but is held back by 1 and 3

1: Chill! He/She didn’t mean it.

3: hey, no need for violence.

2: (Getting up) god damn! That TV’s had it out for me ever since I wanted to change the

channel. It’s been plotting to get me this whole time.

1: no need to jump to conclusions, you probably just agitated it with all that yelling. It’s

your own fault.

3: what are you talking about? The TV’s the one that did it.

The TV has resumed its position as if nothing happened. The bombed out building set is complete. The crew begins to take it down.

TV: in local news a freedom hating citizen has spouted bullshit against the news, in an

attempt to keep you, the American people, from being informed.

2: I’ll show you how much I hate freedom.

2 strikes the TV with a chair, sending it to the floor, seriously damaged

1: What the hell was that!?! Now how are we going to know what’s going on?

3: how am I supposed to know about the war to the east now?

2: I don’t know, just investigate.

3: what? With science?

2: sure, why not.

3: I’m not a scientist. I don’t know how to do that shit.

1: how am I supposed to know if those bones are really Jesus or not?

2: do you care?

1: not really, but I’d like to know anyway.

3: and what about the bullshit

1: disturbance

3: disturbance at the capitol? What about that?

2: go down there and see, it’s not that hard.

1: great, well now I’m bored. This isn’t eXtreme at all.

2: it most certainly isn’t.

Long Pause. The stage is completely bare again. All 3 of them put televisions on their heads. The damaged TV stands back up, still severely damaged

TV: And with us today is a General to tell us about how the high precision bombs ensure

that only military targets are destroyed.

1: and with us today is a discharged soldier from the war to tell us about the extent of the

damage and the loss of life he witnessed in his time in the east.

2: and with us today is a Doctor to tell us about the difficulties in treating those

wounded by the bombings after the destruction of the hospital.

3: And with us today is a man to tell us about how he lost his wife and three children

when an American bomb struck their apartment while he was away.

General: we’re all looking forward to how cool the movies about this war are

going to be.